Well, this is a fine how do you do…

Have you happened to glance at the news in the last day or so? If so then you would have caught http:// http://www.wfaa.com/story/news/health/2014/09/29/dallas-presbyterian-hospital-ebola-patient-isolation/16460629/ where basically we’re on the verge of a zombie apocalypse!! Wait, wait, hear me out…

Okay. Dude goes on trip. Dude contracts funky disease. Dude goes undetected and misdiagnosed for weeks… I don’t know if he was bitten by a green monkey or a zombie to contract ebola. I haven’t a clue. I revel in the fact that I am an ignorant American when it comes to world matters and rely heavily upon my speculations and paranoia to reach irrational conclusions.

This is how Hollywood depicts “outbreak” scenarios, am I correct? I mean, here’s the logline: “When an overseas traveler returns to the States with a deadly illness that could potentially wipe out the entire population, will our hero/heroine be able to cure the deadly outbreak before it wipes out Mankind?”

I’m a little unsettled by this.

And by “this”, I don’t mean my feeble attempt at a logline. (They have always been my bailiwick, but never proven to be an area of expertise).

I digress. I mean, I should be unsettled, right? IT’S FREAKING EBOLA!! The MOAB of contagious diseases!!

And I live an hour away from where this patient is currently being treated in Dallas.

Let’s put that in global perspective, shall we?

The circumference of Earth is approximately 24,901 miles. The man who went to Liberia and contracted Ebola flew to Africa from Texas approximately 9106 miles. When he returned to the Metroplex replete with pestilence he was only about 35 miles away from ME.

That’s my perspective on it. I’m just saying.

So, like any good aficionado of the Walking Dead television series, I find that I have options. I can either pooh-pooh this incident and go about my daily existence of tweets pertaining to wrestling or “replacing a word in a title to ruin a movie”, or do what any Year Zero realist / Jesse Ventura conspiracy theorist / Chicken Little “OMG-The-Sky-Is-Falling!” pessimist would do; stock up on non-perishables, take crossbow shooting lessons, watch survivalist videos on YouTube until the power grid goes down, and start construction on that underground blast bunker I’ve always wanted.

I won’t be caught unaware like Shaun in “Shaun of the Dead”. Oh. no. When the zombies start staggering into existence, I’m going to be ready. Originally, I’m from New England. We get hurricanes in New England. So, I know all about preparing for an oncoming storm. And this storm, this Ebola-zombie storm, it’s coming! Mark my words…

Or… you know… they’ll just treat this poor. unfortunate guy with some super-strong antibiotics for the next couple of weeks and he’ll be fine.

Yeah. That’s probably what’ll happen…

…But, if I’m wrong… Yep. To join my group of survivors, you’re going to have to answer THREE QUESTIONS…